Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
We've recently received several questions about our stand on the topic of
marriage, divorce, and remarriage. We are asked for our detailed beliefs
with scripture references. Also, what about someone who was divorced
and remarried before their conversion? Is this person cleansed by the
blood of Christ and forgiven of their past sins? Or would this person be
considered as committing adultery when they are remarried with a former
marriage partner still living?
Answer:
The issue of marriage, divorce, and remarriage is a very tough issue to
deal with, and is greatly complicated by the breakup of approximately
half the marriages due to divorce. This is a very sad state of affairs, and
very far from what God intended when He created man and woman and
joined them together as one flesh.
When deciding what to believe about this, and many other important
topics, we need to come into the discussion with the presupposition that
we'll believe the Bible, no matter what others may say, and no matter
what it may cost me.
"And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man
that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or
wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, But he shall
receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and
sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and
in the world to come eternal life. But many that are first shall be last;
and the last first" (Mark 10:29-31).
"And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or
father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake,
shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life"
(Matthew 19:29).
When a sincere desire to obey God's holy revealed Word is first in our
life, then the search for answers from His Word becomes less
complicated. We will then desire to lay aside all the interpretations
and excuses we have heard all of our lives about why a particular part of
God's Word doesn't apply to our particular situation.
And so our view of God's Word becomes very important in this
discussion. Do we really believe the Bible, or do we want to filter the
truths of the Bible through the reasoning of man? If we want to apply
man's reasoning to the Bible, then nothing stands for sure, and
everything becomes relevant. Man's reasoning is fickle as it says in
many places of the Bible. "As it is written, There is none righteous,
no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh
after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become
unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one"
(Romans 3:10-11).
What is marriage? Marriage is the uniting of a man and a woman into
one flesh. Marriage was the very first institution created and designed
by God, even before sin entered into the world. So therefore we ask, is
marriage for Christians only? Does marriage apply to non-christians?
And the answer is, "Yes, marriage applies to everybody. It is not for
Christians only." Therefore, the marriage vow between two non-
Christians is just as binding as it is between two Christian believers.
The Bible gives only one release from the marriage vow, and that is death.
"Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that
the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman
which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he
liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her
husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another
man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she
is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be
married to another man" (Romans 7:2-3).
There was a provision for divorce in the Old Testament Law of Moses,
but Jesus said that it was given because of the hardness of man's hearts.
From the beginning it was not so.
"He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts
suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not
so" (Matthew 19:8).
Therefore we conclude that the marriage vow is binding whether the
people taking the vows are Christians or not. Christians are forbidden
to marry non-Christians
"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her
husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only
in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39).
But if she doesn't marry "in the Lord," she is still bound by the law so
long as her husband lives. The Apostle Paul takes several verses to explain
how such a relationship would work. But in the case where it doesn't
work, the wife may (by permission) depart (or separate), but she has no
permission from God or the Bible to remarry so long as the first marriage
partner is still living. (This applies to both men and women, and
husbands and wives.)
Sometimes people accuse us of being unforgiving in the situation when
one or both partners have living marriage companions, and they were
converted after their divorce and/or remarriage. The people can
certainly be forgiven for their past sins and shortcomings. But it is
important to NOT dwell in the sin. If a murderer comes to Christ,
we expect the murderer to give up his killing of human lives. If a thief
comes to a saving knowledge of Christ, we expect the thief to quit stealing.
Just so, an adulterer who comes to Christ is expected to quit committing
adultery. And the Bible is clear that when there are two or more living
marriage partners, then adultery is committed every time the physical
relationship takes place.
"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth
adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband
committeth adultery" (Luke 16:18). Please note the continuous tense of
the word "committeth." This is an ongoing sin as long as the two are
living together. (See also Matthew 19:9, Matthew 5:32, and Mark 10:11.)
For those who are caught in this situation, there is a way to stop
committing adultery. And that is by living separate, as in separate
residences or homes. There are testimonies of those who have taken
this step, and the peace of God that floods their soul is marvelous.
This is certainly not an easy path to walk. But in the end, do you want to
place your soul's eternal destiny in jeopardy?
Please understand, the argument is not with us. You need to carefully
read and study God's Word, and obey what you find there.
As I'm sure you are well aware, most Christian leaders will have excuses
and long explanations about why it isn't necessary for a couple where
one or both partners have living previous companions to live separate.
They'll have all kinds of names for those of us who believe this isn't
right. But in the end, who are you going to believe?
The Christian leader? Us? Or God's holy Word?
Most people in professing Christianity, including many Christian leaders,
have caved in to compromising the truths of God's Word. They don't
believe the Bible really means what it says. This is extremely unfortunate,
and has led to many a heartache.
Many pastors will say that it was okay for a person with a living marriage
companion to become remarried because the divorce took place before
they were saved. But the Bible gives no license for such a belief.
Marriage applies to all people in all places at all times; not just to
Christians. Marriage was instituted by God in the Garden of Eden, which
was long before the Law of Moses was instituted, and even longer before
the development of Christianity.
There may be times when someone is living with a marriage partner and
separation may become advisable. Perhaps there is physical or other
kinds of abuse, or sometimes other severe issues crop up. Sometimes
people need to obtain a legal separation due to the financial recklessness
of a marriage partner. But we cannot find any Biblical justification or
permission to become remarried while the first partner is still living.
Here are some questions with their answers.
In God's eyes, are you bound to your previous marriage? You promised
to "have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in richer and in poorer, etc.
until death do you part." Therefore you are obligated to this promise
which was made to your wife (or husband), to God, and to those who
were gathered together that day. Marriage vows are made before God,
even if most people do not acknowledge Him.
If you are bound to your previous marriage, what are you supposed to be
doing? You should be developing your relationship with God. There are
many opportunities to serve God in many different capacities, such as
working with children from troubled homes, or as a volunteer in a nursing
home. As you become involved in the lives of others, you will have less
time to think of your own problems -- and you will be able to find a sense
of fulfillment for your life. If you have children, you will want to devote
much of your time and energy to them. It is important to get out and find
something worthwhile to do in the upbuilding of "The Kingdom." It is good
to develop friendships and get along socially with others in your church
or other group. I realize this is difficult when your friends have married
partners, and you don't. I can certainly understand why you would be
looking forward to Heaven more than others.
May you ever be married again while your former marriage partner is still
living? I believe the Biblical answer is "No." Only when one spouse dies
is the other spouse free from the marriage vows.
I do not advocate divorce, although in rare circumstances separation may
be advised such as when there is violence and abuse.
While I do not know about your particular situation, here are some precious
promises in the Bible that you may claim, as a believer in Christ.
"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his
arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are
with young" (Isaiah 40:11). This is a picture of how God is taking care of
you -- even though you may not always feel like it.
"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall
mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and
they shall walk, and not faint" (Isaiah 40:31).
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I
will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the
right hand of my righteousness" (Isaiah 41:10).
"Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall
never suffer the righteous to be moved" (Psalm 55:22).
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you" (1 Peter 5:7).
May God bless you and guide you, and be near to you.
Sincerely in Christ,
Robert Lehigh